Reluctant Club Member

I'm a member of a few clubs I don't really want to belong to. Six years ago I was forced to join the "Motherless Daughters Club". For a long time I was a reluctant member of the "30-something Singles Club" but then I happily resigned once I became engaged. However, rather than being inducted into the "Happy Brides Club", I discovered I was a member of the "Happy Older Brides" organization. Being a 40-year-old bride just isn't the same as being a 25-year-old bride. For one thing, you look foolish in a poofy white dress.

Well, now I'm finding myself a newly inducted member of the Infertility Club. Nope. Didn't really want to join, but as my 30's ticked away and my biological clock ticked to almost a complete stop, I knew it was going to be a long-shot getting pregnant. Then, we got pregnant four months after our wedding, and I thought maybe there was hope after all. But now, after 2 miscarriages and a 43rd birthday lurking on the other side of winter, I'm suddenly finding myself hanging out with women who talk about low ovarian reserves, fresh vs. frozen IVF cycles, and adoption profiles. When will I stop becoming members of clubs I didn't ask to join?

This phenomenon doesn't happen to everyone. There are some people who keep being asked to join clubs they really wanted to be in all along. Lke the "Married at 25 Club", or the "Pregnant at 27 Club". Or the "Published Author Club".... life seems so easy for certain people. Their lives fall into place right on schedule. They figure out what they want to do for a career early and then are happy and content once they are in said career. They find mates in college, they pop out 2.5 kids 2.5 years apart. And they have the money to buy a quaint house in the suburbs. They're the cool group of kids you wanted to hang out with in high school.

I was complaining about this with a few girlfriends this morning -- girlfriends who have been trying to get pregnant, who are also members of the "Infertility Club". I was whining about all of those people whose lives just seem to fall into place perfectly, right on time, and without any problems. "Why doesn't this ever happen to me?" I complained "Well," said my friend, Jane, "their lives might seem perfect, but they're probably perfectly shallow. It's the people who have been through the struggles who are the ones I want to hang out with...they're deep and interesting and have more compassion."

She has a point. If I hadn't been a member of all of those clubs I didn't want to join, I'd be a different person -- more self-absorbed, less compassionate, and boring. Hmmm. The "Deep, Interesting and Compassionate club". Now that's a group I want to join....