Migraines "R" Us

I woke up today with a migraine. This is my fourth migraine in the past week. Just when I was feeling hopeful that maybe, just maybe, the daily Beta-blocker I take to prevent migraines was finally kicking in and getting my headaches under control. I hadn't taken my other medication, Relpax, for a few months, so I was hopeful. (I take Relpax when I actually have a migraine.)

My error is thinking that I can actually control what goes on in the veins in my head. And believe me, I try. I stay away from "triggers" that set off the headaches. These (for me) include red wine, aspartame, getting too hungry, getting too tired, getting too stressed, and strong cheese. It's a delicate balance. There are other things I can't control -- like changes in weather (the barometric pressure sets them off), and cold wind, and hormones.

Every time I get a migraine, it's a guessing game as to what set it off. The cold front that came through yesterday? My lack of sleep? Too much caffeine? Stress at work?

Last week my headaches were triggered (I think) by the following:

Wednesday: I took a walk at lunch. It was sunny out, which fooled me into thinking that it was actually WARM outside. So I didn't wear a hat. It was really only around 18 degrees outside, and I think the cold wind on my head and the bright sunlight set off my headache.

Thursday: I had a big meeting with one of our clients -- a client who used to be my employer. I was nervous about the meeting, and about seeing former colleagues. Bingo. I had a splitting migraine after the meeting.

Saturday: I went out for drinks with friends. I avoided red wine, which is known to trigger migraines. Instead, I had a martini. A splitting headache followed. Apparently I can't consume any alcohol anymore.

Monday/Tuesday: Last night I felt a migraine coming on at about 8:00. I couldn't think of what would trigger it, except that I waited a little too long to eat dinner, and a cold front was coming through Chicago. I guess that's what did it. Since I had taken Relpax three times last week, I didn't want to take it yet again...The stuff is expensive and the side effects make me nervous. So I went to bed last night without drugs, hoping I could sleep off the pain. Nope. I woke up at 5:00 this morning with a splitting headache. Knowing that I needed to go to work in a few hours, I took a Relpax and went back to bed.

This is my life with migraines. A constant balancing act, trying to make sure I don't consume the wrong thing, don't take walks when it's too cold, don't get too stressed, or too hungry or too tired.

At least now I have drugs to take. The Relpax usually works well. But I hate taking it. If I don't take it, the headache could last three days.

I get depressed, sometimes, thinking about how I have to deal with this pain on a regular basis. I wonder "why me?" and I envy people who don't get headaches. What is that like, I wonder? During times why I'm suffering from a series of migraines, I measure my days by my head. Yesterday my head was "foggy" and my forehead felt "stuffy." I felt down and discouraged all day, like I would have to live the rest of my life with the pain. ON bad days I feel frail and sickly, and walk around looking pale with dark circles under my eyes.

But today is a good day (after the Relpax kicked in). My head feels clear and pain free. I feel more hopeful. I'm hoping this feeling will last for a while.

Oh, if you want to read more about migraines, check out the Migraine Blog on the New York Times web site.

Today's entry is about the hallucinations or "auras" that some people get before their migraine starts. Sounds kindof cool. I don't get auras. Just the pain. bummer....