Unemployment: Day 9

I suppose I'm typical of most people who get laid off. There's a whole bunch of emotions -- anger, fear, shame, sadness, panic, loss of control, self-doubt. At first, after a day and a half of crying and panic, I felt a surge of hopefulness and calm. I started enjoying sleeping in, got a few leads on freelance projects, was distracted from my panic by furiously updating my resume and web site. Decided to trust God.

But that only lasted a few days. Then I started once again thinking about our situation. David's in school fulltime, has an internship, and a fellowship. He doesn't have enough time in his days to work more than 15 - 20 hours a week. So it's up to me to fill in the rest of the income gap. With the economy the way it is, I'm imagining thousands of resumes, like an email tsunami, crashing simultaniously into the inboxes of the HR departments of the various companies I'm applying to. I email resumes, or follow up on a freelance lead, and then stare at my computer, waiting for a response. It's really enough to make one as CRAZY as a cat chased by a vacuum cleaner.

I try to create order in my day. Get up, take shower, check email, look for jobs, send out resumes, revise resume to make it sound more "creative and hip", wait. And wait some more. Try to think of people I can contact. Rinse, repeat.

At some point, I pry myself away from my computer and go to the gym. I'm doing everything I can to remain sane. Working out helps. I might be unemployed, but damn, I'm going to be the best-looking, svelt unemployed person to walk the streets of Chicago. It's sort of like seeing an old boyfriend and wanting to look hot so he'll regret ever dumping you. I'm imagining myself bumping into one of my old co-workers 20 pounds lighter, with a glowing tan, and casually saying "Oh, getting laid off was the BEST THING that's ever happened to me!" As they trudge back to their dark, dank cubicle.

I've noticed something good in all of this. It seems like people are becoming more compassionate. Many have lost jobs, or lost money in the stock market, or know of a friend or relative who lost a job. In our mutual economic panic, we're becoming more human, I think. Our downstairs neighbors, who we rarely see, invited us out for breakfast last Saturday. An incredibly shy classmate of David's stopped him in the hallway at school and hugged him. A freelance contact of mine, whom I've worked with but don't know well, sent me a compassionate email, vowing to help me find work. We've taken our eyes off of our money, work, achievements, things, and started looking at one another. Instead of buying that HDTV, we're helping each other through this difficult situation.

It's a good thing.

Now excuse me while I go check my email again.

Top 10 things about getting laid off

1. You get to sleep past 6:30 a.m.
2. No more commute on the smelly EL
3. You can start dreaming of a whole new career
4. Two-hour lunches with friends
5. You can watch Oprah
6. You realize that things are so bad and out of your control that that only thing you can do is surrender
7. Forces you to trust God (see above)
8. Makes you realize what's really important in life
9. You lose weight from the anxiety
10. Can wear the same outfit every day and no one will notice

I'm finding ways to laugh at our situation. The comments in response to this NY Times article, "You're Fired! But your outfit's great," had me rolling on the floor. Especially comment #4 re: pleated pants. Maybe it's because I was reading it at 4:00 a.m.

What I wore when I was canned: Jeans that were tattered at the hems, a cool sweater and kickin' red cowboy boots. Glad I wore the red boots. But really wish I had washed my hair that morning. Dang.

Tuesday I woke up and washed my hair. Fresh start....