"He's sooooo weird"

But that's why I love him....

The minister who's marrying us ask us to provide him with a brief description of how we met, our first impressions of each other, etc. for the wedding ceremony. In my feable attempt to delegate wedding tasks, I asked my goofy fiance to take a stab at it.......(now you'll understand why I don't delegate more....)

David and Karen's (Brief) History


David and Karen met in August 2004 after a whirlwind email courtship of high-flown allusion, entreaty, rejection, persistence and surrender. Use your imagination. Despite that tumultuous preface, they soon felt assured that they should spend the rest of their lives (gulp) together.

That was about it for tumult. They came to see me [Chris M] for wise counsel on their most pressing difficulty -- the almost complete lack of argument and conflict in their relationship. Now, some of that is doubtless due to growing up in families where argument and conflict were about as welcome as a broken hip or the pox. On the other hand, Karen and David discovered, over and over, that their thoughts and tastes and opinions were almost weirdly in tune, like a Texas guitar and a Midwest piano that automatically crank out "I Loves You Porgy" in perfect harmony.

To that I can only add, "Wait till you're married."

They also had the advantage of the accumulated wisdom of more than just a couple of decades on earth. Being of a certain age -- older than the average marrying couple, let's say, for the sake of concealment -- they felt they had a pretty good idea of what they were looking for in a spouse, qualities based on more than a cool haircut and favorite indie rock band. Although, let it be said, one ignores the importance of a cool haircut at one's peril.

That said, they quickly discovered what came to be known as The Three-Month Rule. In their conflicting tendencies toward caution and eagerness to get married and have it over and done with, they found a number of instances of similarly situated couples who got engaged three months after meeting and married three months after engagement. The most high-profile example is our current president, Mr. Shrub, and his beaming wife.

The Three-Month Rule would normally entail a February wedding for Karen and David, then, which would have worked out great for a Caribbean honeymoon while everybody else was suffering the doldrums and despair of a Midwestern winter. But it was not to be. Too darn complicated. That's why we're all here today and not when snowdrifts are piled outside the windows.

Anne Lamott and other things

I'm afraid my blogging will be more sporatic as "The Big Day" approaches. My mind is crammed full of wedding details and there's not much room for thoughts other than "have to remember to call the florist," or "is the caterer going to gouge us for including 10 more people to the list?"
In order to retain some sense of sanity, I try to read and keep up with the headlines. In Salon.com today there's a great article by Anne Lamott: http://www.salon.com/opinion/feature/2005/04/27/gods_warning_signs/

The title of the article is something like "God doesn't take sides." If anyone has the email address of the White House, please forward...

The wedding of doom

On the phone last night my sister, Sara, told me she suffers from guilt for not helping me with my wedding. Since she lives in Ohio, I understand why she can't drive to Chicago to help at the drop of bridal bouquet, and I told her not to worry about it. But then I remembered her wedding, and it all started coming back to me. "Yes," I told her. "You should feel guilty."

Since my sister was teaching English in China for the year after she graduated from college and wasn't returning until the month before her wedding, my mother took on the task of planning most of the wedding herself. In my mother's mind, this was going to be the wedding to end all weddings. She made (yes, actually sewed on her Bernina sewing maching) my sister's wedding dress, all of the bridesmaid dresses, the flower girl dress, AND her own dress. There were many details, and my mother obsessed over every last one of them and drove us all crazy. She turned me into her own personal wedding slave. In our family, the wedding came to be know as "Ellen B. and the Wedding of Doom" after the recently released Indiana Jones film.

After being an indentured servant most of the summer, the August wedding of my sister came and went. Of course, my mother pulled it off and the wedding of doom was beautiful. My sister and brother-in-law have been married for 20 years and have 5 children. It was the wedding to end all weddings.

Now my mom is gone, so she's not here to help me with my nuptial planning. I guess I'll have to convert Sara into a wedding slave all by myself.....

Top 10 things that are driving me crazy

10. A scatter-brained co-working who seems to have spent the past 15 years of her career scheming of ways to suck everyone around her into her dysfunctional work habits.
9. Banal wedding websites that tell me I'm four months behind on my "wedding to-do checklist."
8. Cold weather at the end of April
7. Republicans -- Tom DeLay specifically and all of those who voted for oil drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.
6. Beige cubicles
5. Day-old lettuce in the corporate cafeteria
4. Brides who are up-to-date on their "wedding to-do checklist."
3. Trying to organize transportation for the wedding weekend.
2. Reruns of "Lost"
1. Not having enough time to spend with my fiance

Psalm 40

I can't get U2's "40" out of my head....

"I will sing....sing a new song. I will sing....sing a new song."

I've been looking at the playlist from their "Vertigo" concert and the last four songs are "One", "All because of you," "Yahweh" and "40".

Psalm 40:
I waited patiently for the LORD ;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD .

I once told David that I feel I spend my entire life waiting: waiting in lines, waiting for a spouse (who finally showed up!), waiting for a new job. I don't know that I can say I've always waited patiently. But looking back I have seen how having to WAIT has changed me. Made my faith stronger. Taught me how to trust in God's timing. I have been changed into a new person. I am singing a new song.....

Marriage at 40, part two

Feel I'm going mad. Wedding stress is coming out in strange obsessions. Like what my maid of honor is going to wear. Green dress? Purple dress? White suit? AHHHGGG! And I'm losing sleep over what jewelry would look best with my dress. Dangly earrings? Choker necklace? No necklace? Will my shoes make me look taller than David? Who's going to pick up our out-of-town guests from the airport? Is this wedding going to be a total disaster?

I think this is all a distraction from what's really going on: I'm getting married after being a single adult for 20 years and this is a scary leap of faith. I want to know how it's all going to turn out....what kinds of things we're going to fight about. Whether we'll get our debt paid off. If we really have the energy it takes to raise the kids we want to have. But these are all things I can't really know on this side of the "leap." And that bugs me. This has been my struggle all of my life -- wanting some kind of guarantee before I make any kind of decision. Which has left me paralyzed and risk-averse. Ultimately, I know I don't want to be like that any more. I want to know the joys on the other side of the "leap." I don't want to live a safe life. So on May 7 I'm getting married....and I'll start the adventure of marriage. Pray for me!

"Daily" entry

Okay, so my "daily" commentary is more like an "every-other-daily" commentary. My fiance pointed out that maybe I need to change the description of this blog. It's just that some days I feel I have nothing to say. Maybe it's because I'm out of practice. It's been a while since I've written on a daily basis...that is written anything other than insurance brochure copy. Yes, that's why I do for a living, I'm sorry to say. How did I end up here? When I finished my graduate degree in journalism, I envisioned a life writing stories about things that matter: women's issues, the arts, faith and culture, etc. And I did that for a while. I was a freelance writer and magazine editor. But somehow I ended up in corporate America and if I think about it too much, I get depressed. Life is funny that way. We make plans and have dreams, but somehow those dreams don't pan out and we're left a bit disillusioned. On bad days I fall into the trap of thinking that my job defines me. On good days I'm thankful I have a job that pays well, is somewhat secure, that I like my co-workers, and that lets me have 6 weeks of vacation. I can live with that...at least for a little while longer.