Thankful.

These days, getting our whole family together requires planning and patience. Somehow, we managed to gather in Ohio, where two of my sisters live, for Thanksgiving. My dad, sister, nephew flew from Des Moines to Dayton. My brother and his family drove the 10-hour drive on Wednesday. I drove down interstate 65 through Indiana on Wednesday, listening to three Tim Keller sermons on my iPod during the 6 hour drive. David flew down on Thanksgiving night, since he had to work all day on Thanksgiving. But by Thursday evening we were all together. My husband, my dad, four siblings, 13 nieces and nephews, and my nephew's fiance. 25 in all. We ate turkey (well, except for me and me niece LiJen, the only vegetarians in the family, plus my 10-year-old nephew Liam who feels too sorry for the animals to eat them), played Scrabble (bro-in-law Jim won with the word "Zen" which was placed on a triple word score for 36 points), and watched nieces and nephews play "Dance, Dance, Revolution". We traded book suggestions, asked nephew Ben how his college applications were coming, watched 11-year-old niece Ellie knit a scarf, played with the new Dixon family puppy, a Yorkie that weighs about 1.5 lbs and is named Sufjan (after Sufjan Stevens), peppered nephew Drew with questions about his college classes at Princeton, teased niece LiJen about her "friends" who are "boys", looked at nephew Eric's pictures from his 5-week trip out West, and listened to nephew Liam play the violin. A good weekend, indeed.

While sitting in front of the fireplace the evening before coming home, I took a survey about what everyone is thankful for. My nephew Ben suggested that we, instead, list things we're NOT thankful for. So, here are 10 things we're not thankful for:

1. Puppies who pee on the floor (nephew Seth)
2. Cellulite (sister-in-law Jerilynn)
3. Working on Saturday after Thanksgiving (husband, David)
4. Football games on TV (niece LiJen)
5. Ten-hour drives home (brother Scott)
7. Calculus homework over Thanksgiving holiday (nephew Ben)
8. Christmas decorations in October (sister Ann)
9. College applications (nephew Ben)
10. Results of the mid-term elections (brother Scott)

But just so you think we're not curmudgeons, here are 10 things we ARE thankful for:

1. Results of the mid-term elections (Husband David)
2. Pumpkin pie (me)
3. 60-degree weather in Ohio in November (all of us)
4. A new puppy (niece Ellie)
5. Dance, Dance Revolution (nephew Jake)
6. Happy tails doggy daycare (sister-in-law Jerilynn)
7. Chocolate milk (nephew Jake)
8. Knitting (niece Ellie)
9. The word "Zen" (bro-in-law Jim)
10. Those rare occassions when our whole family gets to be together.

Reluctant Club Member

I'm a member of a few clubs I don't really want to belong to. Six years ago I was forced to join the "Motherless Daughters Club". For a long time I was a reluctant member of the "30-something Singles Club" but then I happily resigned once I became engaged. However, rather than being inducted into the "Happy Brides Club", I discovered I was a member of the "Happy Older Brides" organization. Being a 40-year-old bride just isn't the same as being a 25-year-old bride. For one thing, you look foolish in a poofy white dress.

Well, now I'm finding myself a newly inducted member of the Infertility Club. Nope. Didn't really want to join, but as my 30's ticked away and my biological clock ticked to almost a complete stop, I knew it was going to be a long-shot getting pregnant. Then, we got pregnant four months after our wedding, and I thought maybe there was hope after all. But now, after 2 miscarriages and a 43rd birthday lurking on the other side of winter, I'm suddenly finding myself hanging out with women who talk about low ovarian reserves, fresh vs. frozen IVF cycles, and adoption profiles. When will I stop becoming members of clubs I didn't ask to join?

This phenomenon doesn't happen to everyone. There are some people who keep being asked to join clubs they really wanted to be in all along. Lke the "Married at 25 Club", or the "Pregnant at 27 Club". Or the "Published Author Club".... life seems so easy for certain people. Their lives fall into place right on schedule. They figure out what they want to do for a career early and then are happy and content once they are in said career. They find mates in college, they pop out 2.5 kids 2.5 years apart. And they have the money to buy a quaint house in the suburbs. They're the cool group of kids you wanted to hang out with in high school.

I was complaining about this with a few girlfriends this morning -- girlfriends who have been trying to get pregnant, who are also members of the "Infertility Club". I was whining about all of those people whose lives just seem to fall into place perfectly, right on time, and without any problems. "Why doesn't this ever happen to me?" I complained "Well," said my friend, Jane, "their lives might seem perfect, but they're probably perfectly shallow. It's the people who have been through the struggles who are the ones I want to hang out with...they're deep and interesting and have more compassion."

She has a point. If I hadn't been a member of all of those clubs I didn't want to join, I'd be a different person -- more self-absorbed, less compassionate, and boring. Hmmm. The "Deep, Interesting and Compassionate club". Now that's a group I want to join....

New name?

I'm taking nominations for a new name for my blog. "Karen's Journal" seems a bit, well, mundane. So if you have any ideas, please send them to me. If I end up selecting the name you submit, I'll send you a $10 Barnes and Noble gift certificate!

Focus on the Family likes a Democrat?

Well, hell must be freezing over. I just read a Christianity Today article that quotes Tom Minnery of Focus on the Family speaking favorably of Barak Obama, a Democrat and possible presidential candidate for 2008. Never thought I'd see the day....

While, as I've said in the previous posts, that we should be more focused on the Kingdom of God than the Kingdom of Politics, I am encouraged that Christians are finally discovering a middle ground. That Christian Democrats and moderate Republicans are finally finding a voice and being heard.

And while Focus on the Family speaks favorably of a Democrat, I have to admit I have a crush on David Brooks, a conservative (albeit moderate) columnist for the NY Times. His Oct 17 column is entitled "Run, Barack, Run". While he's conservative, I find him thoughtful, reasonable, and his conservative perspective helps me to see another point of view. I don't like knee-jerk Democrats, just like I don't like knee-jerk Republicans.

So it's a good day -- not because Democrats won, but because the divisions between Democrats and Republicans, between conservative and liberal Christians, seem to be breaking down.

Thanks, Grandma Mable

I belong to a family of readers, thanks to my Grandma Mable. She was a school teacher in a one-room school in Iowa before she married my grandfather. Apparently she was the brainy sort who encouraged my father to read (although she wasn't too enthusiastic about college, since she thought it would "corrupt" my father). When my dad started reading he said a whole new world was opened up to him. While I didn't know my grandma Mable (she died of cancer 5 months before I was born), my sister remembers her saying "If you like to read, you'll never be lonely."

So, to fend off any bouts of loneliness, here's a list of book recommendations...

Gilead, by Marilynne Robinson. Best book I've read in the past year. It probably helps that I'm from Iowa and have a fondness for writers from the Midwest.

Housekeeping, by Marilynne Robinson. Beautifully written.

In Cold Blood, by Truman Capote. Amazing, amazing. I would say this is the mostly tightly written book I've read in a while...each sentence crafted perfectly and the amount of detail that goes into writing a non-fiction book that reads like fiction -- amazing.

The Year of Magical Thinking, by Joan Didion. So many books written about grief, but so few that actually capture it so honestly and beautifully.

Blue Like Jazz, by Donald Miller. Ok, I resisted reading this book because a) it is published by a Christian publisher. b) it was taking the Evangelical world by storm, which always make me suspicious. c) everyone was comparing him to Anne Lammot. But I finally picked it up at Barnes and Nobel and found a well-written and honest book about faith. He's no Anne Lammot, in fact, if I were Donald Miller I'd be a bit offended by that comparison -- why can't he just be a good Donald Miller? I like his voice and he's a Democrat, which helps.

Searching for God Knows What, by Donald Miller. A little disappointed after reading "Blue Like Jazz." I found this book more didactic and less poetic. Too much theology, and not enough narrative. But still worth the read.

The Liar's Club, by Mary Karr. Picked up her book because she was at the Festival of Faith and Writing last April. Funny, sad, beautiful memoir.

Real Sex by Lauren Winner. Okay, another author who's often compared to Anne Lammot. Would everyone just stop it? Why can't she just be Lauren Winner? I couldn't get through her other books (i.e. Girl meets God), but I picked up this book as research for an article I was writing. Finally, a book that honestly and intelligently addresses chastity and faith. Ok, a little hard to take since she was only "chaste" for three of her adult years (try 20!!!), but she makes some really great points. I recommend it for both single and married friends.

Dwelling Places by Vinita Hampton Wright. Another "Iowa" book. At first I was turned off because she's never even lived in Iowa! She lives on the south side of Chicago. But I have to admit she nailed her descriptions of Iowa farm life, the land, the people, etc. I met the author this summer and she's a very cool person.

Three Dog Life, by Abigail Thomas. I have a weakness for any book about animals. Yes, this is about the author's three dogs, but it's about so much more. This short memoir chronicles how her life is turned upside down after her husband suffers brain damage after being hit by a car. Thomas didn't publish her first book until her mid-forties, which gives me hope!


More to come. My next book may be Dave Eggers What is the What which is reviewed today in the NY Times I loved Eggers "Heartbreaking work..." but didn't so much like his subsequent books. But this new one sounds like it's definitely worth reading. I'll let you know.

I just don't get it.

Well, I'm sure most of you have heard about Ted Haggard's little problem. I don't know much about him, except that he was president of the National Assoc. of Evangelicals and pastor of New Life Church in Colorado Springs. Oh, and he's a friend of James Dobson, apparently. Turns out he was paying for sex with a male prostitute, while at the same time campaigning against gay marriage. Little problem, indeed.

Now, I could go on and on about this, but my main problem is that I JUST DON'T GET IT! Maybe it's because I'm a woman and don't understand men and their sex drives. But why does this seem to happen over and over and over again? And if you were an Evengelical leader and saw this happening to the hundreds of other leaders over the years, wouldn't you stop for a minute and think, "oh, if all of these other leaders have gotten caught, maybe I should think twice before calling my favorite male prostitute?" Is the male sex drive that uncontrollable? Is it because of the pressure of being a leader? Is it because while they were growing up in the Evangelical subculture they were sent repressive messages about sex, and therefore it makes it so tempting that they can't resist? Do they really just want to get caught for some reason?

Ironically, I just read an article on ChristianityToday.com about one pastor's struggle with lust. You can read it here. It's a very honest portrayal....and gives me insight into what it's like. But to be honest, maybe I will never totally understand the lure of a few moments of pleasure when you risk losing your job, family, and reputation. I don't want to judge, or be self-righteous about this. I know God's grace will cover the sins of Ted Haggard, just like his grace covers my sins. I pray for his healing and redemption. I'm just trying to understand how one man could risk everything for a few minutes of pleasure....when there are so many who have gone before him and he should know better. And I mourn that these types of scandals are what often define Christianity in the eyes of the world. Sad, indeed.

Modern Day Emma Bovary

David and I went to see the movie "Little Children" last night. I rarely see a movie that I'm still thinking about the next morning. But I woke up this morning with the image of the last scene in my head and mentally putting together the meaning of certain scenes, dialogue, etc. Not to give anything away, but Madam Bovary is one of my favorite novels and the character of Sara in this movie is a modern-day Emma Bovary -- dissatisfied with her life, regretting her choice of spouse, annoyed by her daughter's needs, and longing for her previous academic career. There's much more to the film than her hunger for a different life....it also addresses shame, judgment, forgiveness, and those points in our life when we realize our foolishness and just need to grow up.

I like Madam Bovary because I recognize parts of Emma in me. The longing for something more, something different, something to satisfy this hunger. I long for marriage...I get married, and then I start longing for something else, like a house, or a child. I long to be free of the corporate world, and so I leave to become a freelance writer, and it's not as "free" as I thought. I start longing for a steady paycheck again. I also see this longing in those around me: A friend struggles with infertility for years...she finally gets pregnant, or adopts, but then motherhood isn't what she really envisioned and she longs for something else. We constantly long for something. Something ELSE. In this movie, Sara thinks that acknowledging this hunger is noble and courageous. I would agree...but sometimes how we try to satisfy our hunger isn't so noble and courageous. Maturity, I think, is learning to live with the longing. To recognize our longing as a yearning for God. To be satisfied and content. And to put away childish things...