I'll have the gravel, with a side of pebbles.

David and I gave up TV for Lent. That's gone fairly well, except for the few times we pulled it out of the closet to watch a DVD and then "forgot" to put it back, giving us opportunities to surf channels and merge with the couch again. But then we realized what we were doing and David rolled it back into the closet as I watched him wistfully. Every once in a while I'll look at him and whine, "But I want to watch TV!!!" and he replies, "No, you don't." He's so mean.

But he's right. I don't want to be a potato or any other kind of vegetable. Although I may turn into one since I also gave up sugar, white flour, fried foods, caffeine (sort of), and dairy for Lent. I'm eating mostly fruit, whole grains, nuts, and lots and lots of veggies. David says pretty soon I'll just be eating gravel. Maybe.

But I'm getting a little addicted to giving things up. It feels good, and freeing.

Now, I don't really understand Lent, since I grew up Baptist and we steered clear of anything "catholic". So during lent we continued our church rituals of gorging on potluck dinners in the church basement complete with molded, jiggly jello and green bean casserole. I also don't remember having Good Friday Services. Our focus was mainly on the happy part of Easter -- the Resurrection part. We'd get up early on Easter Sunday and go to the Sunrise Service in our matching Easter dresses my mother made. Then we'd go home and our Easter baskets would be hhidden somewhere in the house, and we'd spend the day peering into our sugary "diorama eggs (you know, the ones with the little windows with an Easter Bunny inside),, and eating jelly beans and Peeps.

But if I'm not mistaken, giving up something for Lent has to do with identifying with Christ's sacrifice and reflecting on his suffering (although I can't imagine missing the latest American Idol episode can begin to compare to being nailed to a cross).

I have been reflecting a lot on sacrifice lately. It seems I've been giving up more than just cheese and American Idol. I've also been letting go of certain dreams, giving up always getting my way (that's what marriage does to you), and letting go of control. I think it's inevitable, as we get older, to have to give up dreams. If you pursue one thing, you're going to have to give up something else. We really can't have it all, contrary to all of the messages we've heard as Americans.

Letting go. Giving up. Letting dreams die. These aren't things I do very well. But I'm learning to, and realizing in the process that it's sortof fulfilling, and freeing, and makes me feel pretty darn good sometimes. And maybe giving all of these thing up will make a little more room in my life for some of the plans God has for me. I'll be waiting with anticipation.