I'm signing up today for my 25 year high school reunion. This was not an easy decision for me. Why? Because I've been getting that same butterflies-in-the-stomach sick anxiety feeling that I felt all four years of high school. That I'm-not-in-the-popular-crowd-because-I'm-weird-and-different feeling. That maybe I'll go to the reunion and I'll sit alone and no one will talk to me.
Which is exactly why I think I should go. Because once I get there I'll see that the really popular girls have been divorced three times, have massive hips, or the same case of bulimia they've had since high school. The boys I had crushes on will be bald and pot-bellied and working the docks at UPS. Then all of the power they have over me will be gone. I'll find out that I haven't done so badly after all.
As you can tell, I don't have fond memories of high school. Here's what comes to mind....cinderblock walls painted pastel colors, metal lockers, a wall lined with leering boys I had to pass on my way to algebra class, a taunting note stuck to my locker when I didn't attend a party where there was drinking, my sickeningly bad hair cut, outfit anxiety....every day, a stalking chap named Scott who stuck creepily weird notes in the vents in my locker and left gifts on my doorstep, bad shepherd's pie on a plastic lunch tray, weight anxiety, and basic fear, depression and embarassment.
Okay, I admit it wasn't all that bad. There was playing basketball, which I remember as mostly fun, and Mr. Nau my art teacher who I adored. I spent all of my free hours in his room working on my paintings. But really, um, that's about it. I didn't fit in...I was anxious and depressed, and my self-righteous brand of fundamentalist Christianity didn't help.
But I'm banking on the fact that one evening of dinner and dancing with my former classmates wil erase all of those bad memories. That I'll feel mature and centered and decide I like the way my life has evolved, and I'll hold my head high and see my classmates as real people who have probably experienced all of the pain I have in the past 25 years. I do know the beautiful homecoming queen has a husband with colon cancer, and the former basketball star still has bulimia and has been divorced. I want to love them in the few hours I have with them, and not remember my own pain. But think about theirs instead. I'll let you know what happens.
Now I have to go lose 10 lbs.
1 comment:
Go! You'll be amazed. People will tell you they always liked you or respected you or thought you were pretty. People you thought weren't that interesting will have become so. You've changed for the better, why shouldn't they? I reconnected with my best friend from elementary school at my last reunion and it has been an incredible gift.
Post a Comment