Church baggage

I've been thinking lately about the baggage we all carry around to church. For those of us who grew up in church -- whether catholic, protestant, or other -- we have memories, good and bad, and now that we're all grown up we get to carry that around as we seek our spiritual home.

For me, it has not been easy. I went to a church yesterday that some of my friends attend. There are many good things about this church. It's diverse. The church is not interested in getting too big...instead, it starts other churches in communities throughout the city. I like that concept. I liked the preaching. Last week (yes, I've gone two weeks in a row because the first week David was studying for a midterm, and this week he was out-of-town), I even TOOK NOTES! Nothing that raised a red flag during the sermon.

But then, during announcements, it happened. There's always something that makes me cringe...something that takes me back to a bad memory or experience...back to that time before I delicately extricated myself from the fundamentalist mindset and view of scripture. The pastor announced the JOSH McDOWELL seminar for the teens. Josh McDowell? He's still around putting the fear of God into poor, earnest, unsuspecting teens? The "Evidence that Demands a Verdict" Josh McDowell? Geesh...I haven't heard that name in decades.

Instantly, my "fundamentalist" radar went up. Then I read in the bulletin that both of the pastors -- who's sermons I actually liked -- went to Moody Bible Institute. Yes, the same Moody where I was practically fired for my belief that women can be ordained. Okay, so this was 15 years ago. Maybe I need to work on forgiveness. Actually I think I have forgiven my former bosses (both men) who told me I had no future at Moody magazine because of my beliefs. (One of those men, ironically, was fired from Moody years later for sexual harassment).

But even though I've forgiven them, I still disagree with their narrow mindset...not just on women in ministry, but a myriad of other things as well.

So it's a dilemma. I envy people who don't have this baggage. Who don't have an inner radar that makes them cringe during an "alter call" or tune out during a sermon-gone-bad because they've had to sit through too many uninspired sermons during their lifetime they can't bear to sit through another, or who count the number of women on the platform, or theologically deconstruct each worship tune. But I really doubt there are too many people out there without baggage. Who are a clean slate.

I think most of us have some kind of baggage. I know many, many people who have baggage from growing up Catholic. I understand how the rituals and liturgy could turn empty and meaningless. And I know the institutional catholic church can be just as legalistic and maddening as the evangelical/ fundamentalist church. And, they don't allow women to be ordained, either.

But when I go to the Catholic mass, at least I don't have to deal with MY baggage. At least, not yet. Maybe if I go there long enough, I will develop Catholic baggage as well.

Sometimes I can put my baggage aside. I call this "putting on my filter"...where I filter out everything I disagree with or makes me cringe and just focus on the nuggets that are good. Like on Sunday...I tried to focus on a few things from the sermon that I thought were applicable to my life.

But that gets tiring after a while.

So I think I'll stick with the Catholic church for a while, where I can recite liturgy and take communion and don't have to leave church exhausted from "filtering." For me it's a fresh way of worshiping God....and new perspective. Just like I can imagine my friends who grew up sitting through Catholic masses see God in a whole new way when they start going to an Evangelical church. Maybe we're all just looking for new ways to see God. And that's okay.