Feel I'm going mad. Wedding stress is coming out in strange obsessions. Like what my maid of honor is going to wear. Green dress? Purple dress? White suit? AHHHGGG! And I'm losing sleep over what jewelry would look best with my dress. Dangly earrings? Choker necklace? No necklace? Will my shoes make me look taller than David? Who's going to pick up our out-of-town guests from the airport? Is this wedding going to be a total disaster?
I think this is all a distraction from what's really going on: I'm getting married after being a single adult for 20 years and this is a scary leap of faith. I want to know how it's all going to turn out....what kinds of things we're going to fight about. Whether we'll get our debt paid off. If we really have the energy it takes to raise the kids we want to have. But these are all things I can't really know on this side of the "leap." And that bugs me. This has been my struggle all of my life -- wanting some kind of guarantee before I make any kind of decision. Which has left me paralyzed and risk-averse. Ultimately, I know I don't want to be like that any more. I want to know the joys on the other side of the "leap." I don't want to live a safe life. So on May 7 I'm getting married....and I'll start the adventure of marriage. Pray for me!
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